Your Thoughts and Essays
1)The Treaties about Tolerance (December 2001)
Hi everyone, I am Mario, from Italy, and my nickname around the net is LOCKE.
No real surprise then if it's about this philospher I want to talk here, for suggesting to everyone to take a bit of their time and read something of his immortal writings.
You might think they are old and all, but we base our thoughts about freedom on what he wrote Centuries ago, so there must be something timeless valid about him.
Locke, and with him Erasmus da Rotterdam, was a fellow lover of liberty, open minded approaches to life, and he was loving human beings, above all the rest.
For him tolerance cannot come if the people who have to be so, and be objects of tolerance as well, avoid to take consciousness about themselves, and after that, never scared, they try to understand the other side.
Locke was not blind, he didn't act like he was superior, and his wiseness is all in his scripts.
Read something about him, then make yourself a deep exam within and feel that you're starting to understand many thing more than you were doing before.
Thank you to Meli who lets me publish this here: I know I am not a good orator, but I tried something I was caring of.
2)January 2002: here it comes the EURO!!!
Tuesday the First of January 2002 it comes the EURO in full: the "structuralis" presence of the new coin and value was after all a reality already from 1999 but it was only for trnsations and for financial operations, nothing that real for the life of people.
All changes now, since 300 millions of European people are ready to have for real something in common like they never did in thousand of years of their (un) common history.
For months we have been submerged by advices tending to show us that our life will get a great revolution, but that at the same time "nothing will really change".
I am seriously skeptical about the fact this first thing we will actually share with others "Europeans" is going to impact deeply on our different approaches to life.
We are just too much different culturally for feeling "the same" cos of a coin we have the same as another one from another Country (and it's not, cos each Country has got ITS own coins and papers: so where is it the "same" value?).
It will just be easier for the economic developement, and we all know it's just the economy the field where the Euro Community has got so far some decent results.
They are studying now at Leaken (Belgium) a new common structure for integration of social structures?
Are they planning a Commitee for creating the first bunch of a common Euro Constitution?
I appreciate the efforts; but I will believe we can be more than just a big market only when facts will take the place of dreams.
I believe that some more integration is what we really need, and not only economically.
I believe as well though that one can't delete 2000 years of history and fights and differences in 50 years.
This Euro which will start to change our life is a good thing, but it's merely the first little step and thousands others will be taken from now and ongoing.
I am curious to see what happens next, and by now I'll just exit and buy a new pocket for accueilling the new little cents I am gonna use soon.I mean that it's a good excuse for it, since the old cents of Francs were also esthetically so much charming than this new stuffs...
Good EURO to everyone!
Cibele from FRANCE
3)To love Pink Floyd and the perceivement of "Art" in current life
This is a reply I made on a Forum after I was asked about my praise and love for Pink Floyd, from a man who seems not to see that much of merit in it.It ended to be something which explaines my vision about esthetical perceivement, so I thought it can be interesting to be read for everyone as well.Enjoy!
"Well, first of all, what I meant with "untouched" and "untoucheable" was a mere consideration about what Pink Floyds' "Echoes" album did, is doing and from the prediction of buyers will do in Italian album chart for the next months.I didn't mean THERE to step into any discussion about this being absolutely well deserved, even if reading it again it truely seems.
But if I have to say something on that from my sight, then to me they are untoucheable, yeah.
And in my personal rate they are the best thing ever happened in POP/Rock music.
You ask me if I dislike other type of sounds: well, not at all, but art is a matter of taste as well, and everyone's got his preferences.
In this and actually in every other life's field, the priorities are a personal choice, and we can discuss them forever, but anyway there are thing you cannot really change for how they are.
For my personal taste, my personal consideration about art (art in general: you'll notice that to me the concept of art is composite and I tend to appreciate those forms of it which are multilvelled,"polisemic", which have more than just one way to see and expressing themselves) Pink Floyd are the core which matched in pop rock music this that I like to find.
Basically I am telling you that I can recognize the goodness you find in other patterns of art, and I don't want to undervalue them in any way: but at the end, if I have to chose, myself will choose in the ultimate reason something more similar to Pink Floyd than Led Zeppelin.
It's more ME than you, I am not saying that I am doing right and you are doing wrong cos in the artistical expression, which can be judged basing on canonic choices, anyway the final pleasure comes and matches a personal sensitivity which belongs a lot to the personal story of everyone linked to the personal sensitivity. What people tend to do is to consider just the second term I said, namely the personal sensitivity, like it would define a minor or major intelligence at the basis of it (which is not really the true thing), and in this partial vision they care and a lot about giving a "rate" to one taste instead of another one like one is better than another one onthologically. This is simplistic, and even if it's easy to do, it doesn't mirror over the great complexity of the world we live in, and of the things in this world are and were created which can be said as "art" either:)
I think (to find a "telos" an aim to everything like I always try to do) that we tend to need to say this is right and that is wrong talking about personal tastes cos we would like to live among people who, showing a similar taste to ours, are maybe having other similarities as well with us, and therefore the more we are among people thinkin as we do, the more we feel.. comprheended in something, and less lonely (possibly less lonely). Maybe this is what generally pushes to claim and judge everything in this "competitive" way, instead of just try to consider the richness that other sights can bring in our lives.
I still believe everything solve the main matter: to accept the challenge of variety without forcedly try to uniform thoughts comes to be more difficult and requestiong more efforts to be taken and accepted: and since we are all lazy and enjoy easy things, we prefer to get the reality simpler than it is.
Instead,I believe it has got not that much of sense to choose who's right or wrong in the way we create our priorities and preferences about (here is the field) art:it's IMPOSSIBLE to be stated.In your list of preference, you put melody for instance in a position which is different from my own one.Who can tell which position melody should stay in itself? No one.Everyone considers melody to be an element of music creation, but the place of it in the "rating", in the "list" of major or minor qualities changes with time, culture, approaches which can be personal or historical, and which can even belong to the intimacy way our language is structured which informs for instance the way our brain cells get the pleasure of euphonia (even that is a thing which change from a society to another, people who studies rythms of African tribes will tell you that that rythm is firstly something they get "from cradle" for the way their language is mainly mono or by-syllabic, and this creates the fact they have that rythm around them all time, since they speak that way, and hear that 24/7, developing that peculiar skill firstly and most preferably)
To me you are not wrong in your different consideration of melody and all, even if I have another idea: you are YOU. And for my perceivement this is enriching: I'd hate a world where everyone thinks the same, it would be immensively poorer, and also the art in itself, in every expression of it, would be immensively poorer.
About if it's important and why for me to analyze the way art is made or not, and from where it comes, well, again is cos if you think (as I do) that art id communication field, it becomes basilar to understand the reasons at the blossoming of it, which is a furthermore key you can use to evaluate it and to understand it.
Of course you can eliminate the evaluation moment of the art conception avoiding to put things in a preference partying.. but I reckon that this makes also the way you could enjoy the artistic effort having less meanings that it could.
I mean.. if you just lay down enraptured from a beauty which touches you, avoiding to see deeper in it, you'll have your joy, and it can be enough ( I make this as well sometimes, and it's lovely).. But if you come to analyze it even deeper, you'll solve more questions about that specific art form you were enjoying and at the same time you'll get a deeper side on yourself as well.
Cos all that you like, and you decide to like the most or more than another thing, belongs to your personality and the way you are, and even if everyone thinks to know a lot how he/she is in real, actually it's a job really difficult to make decently.To evaluate the reasons of which you like something for or not, makes you understand yourself more as well :) Throught the evaluation of a simple thing, you come to a further level of awareness.
Is it useful in itself, to getting a better knowledge of oneself?
To me the answer is yes, lots thinks it's just bullshit... but I act for myself, I don't act for others, if you get what I mean...So again it's unrelevant what others think: I evaluate art forms always cos to me that's useful for my personal knowledge about myself, and the world I do live in and I have to see deep for being able to live in it in a better way.My way to understand this world is not trying to reduce it in a simplistic way like generally is done, but contrariwise, to exactly look at the differences, knowing MORE about them for being able to not get trashed or scared by them.
All that this world has in it it's human for humans, why should I be scared the way humanity is?
All is filtered by selfperceivement, at the very beginning of all the things you do it stays YOUR personality, not another's one.
Then the perceivement of art and the one of beauty is one of the most personal things ever, but I'll exit out from the usual approach"let's decide what's RIGHT at maximum level to think as beautiful, and let's make a list valid for the majority"
This is useless and moreover dangerous job to me (of course , also this is personal) It's like wanting to reduce everything at a lower level, instead of enjoying in the first place the amazing magic of the variety around us.Or (let's make a cynic thing, it's funny :P)let's say I am not doing this for the mere joy of discover, but cos I see the utility of a wider sight over everything for a power matter (I am not telling i do, I just wanna show that the same actions can be taken for opposite aims: one for the pure pleasure of beauty, the other for a will of not only surviving, but being dominating)
I evaluate generally everything, and not only in art, and I come to reasons for I choose one thing instead of another to like or dislike, or to get fascinated or repulsed.
All that said, the thing is just a thing of mine, and I don't give to it more value just because it's MY own view.
To me your view values as much, and this post (so long and maybe boring to all world: sorry :P ) I made is a sort of "Thanx" to have made again as lots of other times my brain reflected over a different approach than mine, namely yours.
I find it absolutely challenging, and so, again for my perceivement, enourmously interesting, mattering, and meaningful.
Now that all has been said , you can maybe see why I still proudly stating that I am happy to see Pink Floyd "untouched and untoucheable" in our album Chart in Italy. Feeling that they in my heart would be untouched and unthoucheable even if they would have reached number 289 in that above mentioned chart and everywhere else.
The language they use, which is their personal art, has always been able to tell something to MY own soul, and this , independently from what everyone else cold say to me, it's too much an instinctive reason to like them above others for being changed by any (smart and fair) critic say as the one you wrote, which I always carefully evaluate and consider as well though, be sure of that.
The same, I am sure, happens in the viceversa case, you cannot change what you like and what you dislike, cos it's the way your heart has been shaped so far. And it's okay this way.:)
gallimel, from Italy
4)An odious piece of filth expertly trashed
Read this from the excellent football365.com. I have read the full article it is referring to in the Daily Mail and it is truly hideous. football365 rightfully rip into it. Even if you dont care/know/like football, read it, its quite interesting (L&N I'll reply to your post below probably tonight when I have some time):
Mediawatch Special: Why We Believe Simon Heffer Represents Everything That Is Wrong With Britain
Thursday December 20 2001
â€˜Football: Why I Believe It Represents Everything Thatâ€™s Wrong With Britainâ€™.
Itâ€™s an extraordinary headline, above an equally extraordinary Daily Mail piece by Simon Heffer which even the paper concedes is â€œa provocative and highly personal viewâ€.
Provocative it certainly is. As early as paragraph two we are informed that â€œprofessional football is a catalyst for almost everything offensive and destructive about our country today.â€
Later, the new Wembley - a â€œcathedral of thuggeryâ€, by the way - is described as â€œa focus for all the tribalism, greed, violence, chauvinism, ignorance and baseness that come as part of the football package. We cannot be proud of it because we cannot be proud of soccer - of what soccer has done to our way of life.â€
And that, apparently is to force us to quaff heartily from â€œfootballâ€™s cocktail of depravityâ€ in which â€œgreed is just as important an ingredient â€¦ as violenceâ€.
It is tempting to dismiss this pernicious nonsense, hung loosely around the off-field activities of that nice Lee Bowyer, as the ravings of an odd and slightly pathetic figure, filing it alongside Hefferâ€™s equally sane thoughts on transsexuals (â€œa bunch of sad, confused, attention-seeking men and women who wish the State to pay for their self-indulgenceâ€), Chris Morrisâ€™ Brasseye (â€œa programme that only a small proportion of the psychologically sick could have found enjoyableâ€) and raids against extreme right-wing groups (â€œthe Metropolitan Policeâ€™s cringe-making attempts to ingratiate itself with a government obsessed with political correctnessâ€).
It might be nice also to chuckle over Hefferâ€™s close friendship with that other leading member of the Essex brains trust, Richard Littlejohn. Or to note that his gift for political analysis led him to reassure Mail readers on the morning before the 1997 general election that "one reason I have never subscribed to the Labour landslide school of thought is a firm belief that many people are lying to the opinion polls". Tony Blair duly won a parliamentary majority of 179.
Yet sadly we cannot simply shake our heads and walk away from an article which argues that Bowyer is idolised by many football supporters not because of his unquestionable ability on the pitch but for his unpleasant life away from it.
Who exactly are these fictitious fans? By the sounds of Hefferâ€™s sneering description - â€œyou see them hanging around town with the cheap imitation soccer star haircuts and their shiny wannabe soccer star shirtsâ€ - he appears to be talking about what his type probably still refers to as the working class.
Nor should football lovers be prepared to be lectured on how the game engenders racism by a columnist whose reactions to the events of September 11 have included demands for all â€œillegal immigrantsâ€ into Britain to be rounded up immediately. Or one who has described critics of institutional racism in the police force as â€œnot much less evil than the killer of Stephen Lawrenceâ€.
Interestingly, Simon Heffer is the author of an approving biography of Enoch Powell, the late Tory politician whose hysterical predictions of an imminent race war in Britain terrified ethnic minorities across the country, gave oxygen to the repulsive National Front and destroyed any chance of black and white communities integrating in places like Oldham, Burnley and notably Londonâ€™s Isle Of Dogs.
Which, perhaps not coincidentally, happens to be the home of one Lee Bowyer
5 ) The reply to Baz and the "high" sense of Football game
Well written and interesting.
I should have more elements on the real British situation for judging it on the merit and on the matter , I can just tell many says something similar about Italy but they miss and totally the value of "projection in controversial behaviour" (it's a very complex typology of social behaviour I would need ten days to explain here)that football has got these days, and which actually helps the patterns of society to download the usual agressivity in a way which 95% is not really harmful.
Then as in any social compromising there's the wrong face.
But I don't think your Country has to blame your love for a sport for the mistakes you can do in other fields.
Nor for some stupid people who, not having football as way to distress and being dangerous and damaging, would certainly use another occasion to misbheave.
Football is equal to tennis, to music, to tv , is equal to any business which needs the "show" to grow, and basically what is there of offensive lays before it: in the people menaging it, in the people watching it not for the pleasure but for the sponsors they could come to gain thanx to that activity(read: money), in the people who praises it too much and ALSO in the people despising it for the same exaggerate perceivement of it.
From Centuries on, big societies have got the need to have "Panem et circenses" which was the Ancient Roman's way to say that for making a Country happy, you have to rule them and then keep them satiesfied with bread ("panem", ) namely the thing sof first necessity, and the "circenses" namely the ways to bring them some happiness and satisfaction they find in the "playing" moment.
The pleasure of playing, the need of "takes sides" the need of simulating fights which are a re-adfirmation of identity all belongs to the "circenses" side, and it's basilar to the good balance of everything to have them.
These are need of the society which the wide majority of the people afford with no excees.
It's demagogic to avoid to consider the positive social value of a phenomenon like football.
You think at millions of people who have no more reasons to feel part of something massive, celebratory,and identyfying,people who works and have no reason to smile, to overjoy, to be overwhelmed by adrenaline, think what they would do without even some little pleasures as football brings weekly in their lives.
Is this just "blurring facts"?
Maybe, but then I suppose many saying so have never felt that amazing, enormous feeling you get when your team score, or when you are enchanted by the "artistic" effort of a forward who scores a beautiful goal with a perfect istantaneous gesture which makes a ball lift in the right place like it's a butterfly, or a missile.
Not only: Football it's a team work and it celebrates the reasons of collaboration and right division of roles.
It's a simply and yet really multifaced game.
It's really similar to the way relationships are, often, and it shows even some methods in applying that belongs to many other aspects of life.
You'll say that lots of people don't have all these thoughts about football and that they just enjoy it.. True.. but who tells you that unconsciously they like it just because they feel the similarity with some sort.. how to say.. with some sort of "philosophy" which belongs at the basis both to football games and the way life it is?
One of our major poetries here (Pasolini, he died whe I was a newborn) compared football to "a life game" and described it in poems, poems of a massive artistic value.
It's not the game in itself, and it's not even the passion it underlines which has to be blamed.
But everything which is massively loved generated a power, a resource to be exploit which is always and aways will be a mirage to many people:This generates the wrong, the will of exploiting of people who are like voltures around.
Wembley (the new one I mean.. that strange over covered dome you will have) might certainly be a shame, but I am sure the same shame has happened for lots of others "great projects" which were built without any criterium (the Millenium Dome anyone) just for eating money from people who again menaged them.
It's the occasion who makes the man a stealer, but the occasion arises independently from football and its essence as a Country "milestone" plasure and vice.
What this writer cannot see, is that British love for football was and hopefully is inscripted in an entire cultural approach which outside the excees is a mervellous celebration of Britons' peculiar way of life.
The will they have to see an "organised" effort coming to a face to face resolution, but a face to face which is the composition of 11 elements, and a trainer's mind, which is strategy and physical power, tactic and creation of a momento..
Well, are these not qualities everyone has recognized to British people in 1500 years so far?
Only them could have invented football which is at once a war and a fairsort of loyal confrontational dance over a green pitch.
Well, they don't love football.. they are animals. They don't belong to football, and they are a shame for humans, NOT just for humans who follows football.
They are brainless beasts who, frustrated but without any decent skill at thoughts reckon that it's right to not see football as a agame, but as a reason for hating.
Well, they would do the same even if instead of football they'd support diving competitions...
Football sight of competitive attitude instead, is in itself poetic and even fair.
I am sorry to keep on seeing many intellectuals who are keepin on think that culture is just Opera or Painting Picasso or write an Essay about Metaphysics.
It's a bit blind as approach, and even if I liked the provocative sight of this writer, I cannot avoid to think this author wanted to hit at football cos that's the easiest thing to get noticed for, independently from the goodness of the things you say.
I hope to have got it wrong, it was anyway a good piece to be read, really.
gallimel, from Italy
6) Females and mind games in love: a reply to a friend, useful to everyone
When reading or experiencing how we female are able to mess men's life with our way to be, I am honestly sorry;and at the same time I am thinkin that our "strangeness" it's what really makes life interesting.
But that's bullshit when the sufference out from these kind of behaviours is affecting a friend.
So googs, let's try to give to you at least some femalish perceivement of all this, for how much it can count, since the only word you really need it's her, and none else's.
First of all, I don't think she's playing any mind game.
As every female with some decent experience of heart, I can tell you a real mind game it's way more complicated than this, and what she's doing is lacking a major component of them (for your luck) namely malice, and will to test herself and her powers more than you.
Mind games are genreally crueler (in a way) than this state of facts is, so as I said, you can rassure yourself. But at the same time, the fact is most difficult cos for the way it will end, you won't have any blame to give out to no one. You can't blame a person for she feels unsure about her feelings.That's the case actually you are in.
She seems to me someone who really doesn't know what's goin on in herself.
Which erases immediatly one of your questions about the whole thing. She's not being bitchy. She's hugely confused.
You are right in saying in a normal world the "I Think" part shouldn't belong to any analisis of what someone feels or does not feel, but when all this comes to most of female's mind,and moreover hearts, the thing simply works differently.
I think it's because we ask so much from the person we would be ready to love.
Then all approaches(personal ones) lay also in the past of everyone, the way a person (but not another one) has been linked to people previously, the mistakes she has fallen into, the goodness or the badness she has received from males which rank in a way in every girl's mind the cathegory of men and the quality of them she searches for.
But as I said, the point is that anyway we ask for things which are, often than you think, in open oppositions among themselves.
This is confusing in itself.
Now you can add to all this the greatest of major problems for a female:the warmness you can find also in a friend, and not necessarily in a boyfriend.
And everything comes to that mud state you have hinted at.
Every person (this beyond if the person is male or female) wants someone to feel so near to him/her to be able to be exactly himself or herself.
That's the major pleasure often in a relationship: when you feel that specific person can handle every part of your personality, when you feel completely free to be yourself with that one, and this, as Baz said, makes someone so happy for having find protection and security, mainly the security to be accepted as one really is.
Now.. it goes alone this can happen also with special friends sometimes.
Your point is "Why don't you transform this friendship in a relationship then?It could be even better!"
Good question, but it's contestable in the second part of the sentence (not by me, but I am sure your friend would).
I can just tell you 95% of females would be put in your friend's kind of doubt.
A relationship it's emotionally more involving a risk than a friendship is, and at the same time, often, the more you put in in an "engaging relation" doesn't give to you that much more than a boy/girl serious friendly relationship.
There's the sexual side of course more, but you should have learnt by now, being of your age, that this can be a problem as well, not only a lovely point in favour of the couple state.It's all depending on the state of mind and preferences everyone has got at a determined time.
The greatest worry would be to make a step longer than the leg is, for your friend.In this she is attempting to be fair on you and on herself in the first place.
To lose that protection, that oasis of freedom of being herself she had found in you, by starting a relationship which is always less sure than a friendship is, probably puts her in fears you can't even figure out.
The greatest worry would be as she said to "miss you definitely" if something wouldn't go in the right way.You don't have to undervalue the need you satisfy in her, being that kind cute friend she can rely on always, and whom she couldn't harm (in her mind) being just a simple friend and not a girlfriend with.At the same time, if she has got in her past bad relationships, she can fear the way you treat her now would worsen actually with the possession a relationship implies (or any other reason than this one.. it was just an example mine)
You can then add to this also the eventual sexual attraction she can feel for you.Now, a female can find sexually attractive tons of people in her life. But this, out from making a relationship with them more natural to come, fulfills often their minds with lots of question marks.
Erase the thoughts that females are not hugely dependent to sexuality: we are, and in subtler, but again even more powerful ways than men are.
So much, we tend to limit as much as we can this side of us, most of the times (a cultural statement "helps" us in this as well: which is way in the major societies a man who tries lots of girls is cool, and a girl who does the same is a bitch... sadly, we need to take lots of steps more in this breaking of the major lie in sexual approaches of the two genres, but that's another matter entirely..)
This scary the hell out of most of women then, since we know after having crossing a certain line there's no way we can consciously stop, if not after having given out that "more" kind of care that every male would take as an evidence of love (from kiss to a compete thing).
Well, often it happens that a kiss doesn't actually mean anything that deep, and lots of times not even a complete sexual meeting does, it can be only a moment of warmness someone has felt to give out.
But this can't be done that lightly if like this you know you risk after to lose your source of friendship (again, that friensdhip which means so much cos you feel you are free to be yourself with that person, that friendship which is often meaning more than some lovers you can get in your life).
She is avoiding deep contacts with you maybe for she feels that line to be crossed could approach really fastly then. And she doesn't want to make any mistake with you.Or either she wants before to understand for real what she feels for you.
It seems an easy question, but how many times we are not really able to name our real deepest feelings?
Once you are involved in something emotionally, others maybe can see the point in your actions, but you can't yourself that clearly, cos you are too involved and you can't focus on yourself that well.
This generates such a huge confusion in your mind you literally don't know what's going on.You are scared to admit or even ask to yourself what could be going on...one moment you give to you a certain answer, five minutes later another. All this cos you are not answering actually, you just are trying to give a name to fluctuant state of minds and heart.It's not easy.
The fact she sees you obviously are having no clues either, and she sees how you are suffering, is increasing her confusion, since she knows to be the reason of all this mess.
Of course, nor you nor her can do anything about the way you both feel.
And she knows this... and I fear she suffers as much as you do, and she would be ready to do whatever to delete the doubts.. but read what I wrote, and try to understand the sources of her confusion, her needs, and you will see it's really impossible to blame her if she thinks she risks to lose you (or either to have you), without any way to be more precise about all the state of her mind and heart.
It would be easier if she wouldn't probably care about you this much.
It's always easier (that would be a mind game actually, in femalish Bible) to play mind games with people you really don't care about, cos the consequences wouldn't affect you more than a little bit, and only for a short time.
Also that, it's generally done for a need to understand more clearly what everyone wants from life, like a self statement of aims: but when you are involved with affection with someone, you feel you wouldn't be fair in going on that way with him.
She's not allowing herself to play with you, be sure of this, otherwise she wouldn't act this way, she wouldn't so clearly call herself doubtful with you, she would just play with you, and see what could happen.
She cares about you indeed.
She just fears all the consequences and risks her behaviour could bring to her, and this is blocking every resolution of her.
You are not fool in loving her, no love is stupid,and once it's real, it's something which exists and it can't be stupid, nor wrong in itself.It can maybe be directed to the wrong one, but also throught these wrong loves we come to grow up, and anyway it's never easy to tell oneself "Oh, okay.. from tomorrow I will stop to love this one". Everyone says this, but no one is really able to do it from day till night. It's part of a way longer road.
Don't think she's not serious with you if she doesn't know what reply to you, nor how she can handle all this she's living..... she's being exactly serious actually.
Are there solutions to your pain dear?
I can't say.
It depends what do you mean for solution...
All that I can say, is that probably she knows what you feel for her, but every woman feels more sure if the situation is stated in her ears with passion.
You need to talk clearly, since she's not able to do it.Never think of love like a thing you have to receive first: it's first something YOU feel, and something you have to give out. Someone right one day will come and take that love and give you the same love back and enlarged.
I am not telling this action from you will cause a positive income: it could, but at the same time it could even increase her doubts, since no woman of that kind would do anything unless she doesn't feel it deeply in. She could, I am saying, stay there in her doubts even more, and you wouldn't have any benefit from your behaviour.This depends at the ultimate point in the way she is in her carachter: there are people who accepts risks, and people who doesn't; resolute people, and people constantly doubtful...
You have to ask yourself if your feelings and your soul is able to handle the truth out from the action you can do for trying to come to your own happiness. My experience tells me that only risking you come to a major satisfaction, anyway.
You have to take that risk...
If she's not clear with herself, maybe the fact you can be clear with her could help her in watching deeper in herself. And accepting what she fears or seems to fear actually: that no declaration of love, or will to start a relationship, can give in themselves any sureness about the future, but this has not to make her avoiding to live her life.
If she keeps on hiding, she will never know what she really needs. She would never known that she has to feel free to be herself independently from the people around her, independently from their approval. The day she won't depend anymore on your friendship to feel free to be herself, she won't deny the chance to be your girlfriend (or whomever else's) feeling to miss that freedom after linkin in a relationship, in case that won't eventually work out well.
I would like to give to you a solution for your own needs googs, for helping you in find the right way.But it doesn't exist any right way in love: you have to try to deal with the people you are meeting, knowing there are no rules valid always, since they cannot be rules when all people are different. The only rule is having the bravery to risk in love: it makes you stronger too, and able to see a point in all heart mess even when everything looks like mud.
The point is that we are given chances to know Human souls throught love, and knowing us more as well in the time we are in love with others. We find sources of power we were never conscious to have before we were in love. This is the point: we need all to live a life fulfilled of feelings, if they are positive or negative, anyway they are what distinguish us from beasts, the feelings...
We are human beings and we don't really know what we are all about. But love is always the major thing everyone searches out for.It completes us, from time to time, it comes near to perfect state, and so what else could be more essential to everyone, than try to have it?
Tell this girl she won't miss you, no matter which answer you're gonna receive from her, but you need some sign for either hope or give up in your love for her: she will understand the only way to have you stable in her life, is trying to really feel free to be herself with you.
And looking within herself to give to you a certain answer should be the first step in this self-awareness.She wants to do it, she just is lacking some force to do it, cos it's not an easy thing as many will tell you is.
If you are sensitive soul, there are answers which are weight like stones in your heart, and you can't give them out that naturally.
She's trying... but she needs you for completing the process it seems.
Be generous, risk your proud and heart, and maybe you'll win her.
Either way, you will at least tell yourself you've made all that you could, and you won't regret anything after.
Good luck dear... And don't blame women if we are this complicated: I can assure most of the times we hate ourselves a lot more than you men do for this.
She suffers for every time you do, believe me.
And be sure if she could avoid to make you feel clueless with her doubts, she would.Help her and yourself, in the most dignified way: be open and sincere, and see what happens. You could teach her a lesson which should be useful for all her life, and even more than this.
I am sure you can be this generous, and I am sure as well, that if you will, you'll be rewarded, and possibly exactly from her!
And you'll be a man in all this, a man who really showed till which point "to be a man" means at once be strong and delicate.
Which is the combination every woman at the end wants to find.
from a reply I gave to a mate somewhere...
7) We can't eat anymore...(March 2002)
I came to undersand that nowadays, many people are not capable to name the ending instant of their hungry feeling. They eat without thinkin, while reading their papers, or watching their favorite tv show. They eat their favorite cookies and they couldn't even say if they liked or not their taste. D'you know that this way to eat faster than a lightwave is killing our balance?
It's scientifically reckoned that the real feelin of satisfaction in eating comes after 20 minutes from the first piece of our meal: but we always are running, and this is why we are never feeling right, no matter if we eat 6 times a day, and too much, and still too fast.
Many feelings which push us to eat are fake, they belong to lack of self-esteem or to unability to resist to temptations.
We eat 90% of times without needing it, then when we do, we eat too fast to appreciate it really and feeling perfectly with ourselves.
Come back to self care people: come back to yourselves.
Put your hand over your stomach and ask yourselves what is that you really want to eat.
If you think a cake will substitute a kiss, well, probably you should just get out, love yourselves more and try to find a kisser and not a cake.
SweetDream from Italy